Hearts Divided: Finding Peace During the Holidays in Divorced Families
Holidays can be land mines for divorced families. Often saying good-bye to the kids can be difficult during a usual week, but there is something more difficult during the holidays. Special celebrations are usually focused around family, so saying good-bye at these times can be even harder.
Often people’s expectations for holidays are set high, and extended family is often around adding to the stress and emotional volatility. Top that off with cooking and cleaning, and the final product can be depression and anxiety.
Try to tease out what is going on. There are a myriad of difficult family dynamics including: watching your children go off to celebrate with a parent that you don’t like, being furious that you have to bare the pain of a divorced family when that is not what you would have chosen, standing the guilt of being the one to break up your family and continually having to watch the emotional fallout of everyone involved particularly on the holidays, dealing with extended family’s pain and difficulty in moving on…… the list goes on and on depending on your own personal experiences and family dynamics.
It is necessary that you stay conscious of your own feelings so that you don’t inflict them unintentionally on your children. Your role as a parent is to take care of yourself, in this case managing your own feelings by either writing about them, talking with a friend, or therapist, so that you can separate your own feelings from those of the kids, so that you can best help them as necessary.
If your heart feels broken in two particularly on the holidays, find the support that you need. There are many different ways to work out holiday arrangements, not just the every other holiday deal that most people seem chained to. Talk to other divorced parents who have been where you are and have worked through some of the pain.
Hearts do heal, but very rarely in isolation. Be extra gentle with yourself especially around holidays when emotions can run extra high, and evaluate if you are on the road to finding peace or seem stuck in your pain. If it is the latter, then do something to help yourself, like reach out for help.
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